There is such a phrase: “Any situation needs to be turned in their favor!” And, perhaps, this is a truly necessary skill for those who want to consider themselves a full-fledged master of their own lives.
In psychology, in neuro-linguistic programming, there is the concept of “reframing”, which literally translates as resizing, geometry of a certain frame. From the point of view of working with the psyche, under such a framework we can understand the boundaries of our worldview, changing which we get the opportunity to look at the current situation from a different angle, and therefore make other conclusions regarding their possible causes and consequences. This, in turn, can lead to a revision of the attitude to life in general and its role in it.
Here are some stories about perceiving situations …
Spring. On the roads, slush mixed with ice. A pretty teenage girl is walking along the street, as if dancing a little. She dances because she has a slight degree of cerebral palsy. At some point, the water frozen on the sidewalk plays a cruel joke with the girl – she falls and, due to some uncoordinated movements of her body, cannot rise independently.
All this happened in front of one man. He went to the girl, lifted, put on his feet and was surprised to find that a tear was rolling down her cheek. It was whether the pain in the fall, or the oozing resentment at life behind the physical imperfection sent or so expressed gratitude for the unexpected help – is unknown. But, having seen this, the man also did something that might have added a lot more joy to the girl’s life than, for example, regular classes with rehabilitators.
In a quiet and gentle voice, with a smile of approval and admiration, he said to her: “Girl, you dance to the music that only you hear!” After some time he met this girl several times on the street, and every time he saw her face lit up with a radiant smile.
Summer. A young woman is walking along the street with her 5-year-old daughter. An unfamiliar guy comes up to them and addresses with an innocuous phrase: “Sorry, can I ask?” What gets absolutely natural: “Yes, of course.” But instead of asking his question, the guy breaks a gold chain from the woman’s neck and quickly runs away. The woman is stunned, the child is scared, but then mom quickly guesses how to shift the focus of the daughter’s attention from deception and theft: “Look! Look how fast I ran! Only the heels sparkle! That’s how he got scared of us! ”
Autumn. Psychological training, in the first part one of the audience is invited to take part in a demonstration psychotherapeutic session. Two comers – a man and a woman. To be honest, the choice is left to the group. Volunteers voice their requests, very intimate, by the way, the group votes and prefers the man.
After a break, being alone with a psychotherapist, a woman who was not fortunate at the beginning shares her feelings about how important it was for her to be a client, how awkward it was to voice her request to the group and how frustrating it was to miss the “victory” in the vote groups.
But in the course of the conversation, a woman suddenly realizes for herself that in everyday life she always competes with men, although at the same time she wants a simple female happiness that does not add up, and now she partially understands why. And the incident at the training is not a loss at all, but a magnifying glass, which finally made it possible to consider the prevailing stereotype of behavior in relations with the opposite sex.
Winter. A young family recently experienced the tragic end of pregnancy. But at the same time, as quiet pain and acceptance gradually come to replace the pain, something new is blossoming between these people. They begin to hold hands even more tightly, exchange even more affectionate looks, listen more carefully, care more, value and cherish each other more. And think more about how each of them to make a joint future more joyful and happier.
Why all this? Moreover, not so much the event affects our life, but how we perceive it.
- You can see in people with cerebral palsy – cripple, but you can – a feature, individuality.
- The chain cannot be returned, but you can put resentment and fear in the box of children’s memory, or you can laugh.
- You can focus on losing and humiliating, or you can – see a lesson and continue to try to act differently.
- One can become embittered for life for the pain inflicted, or one can see in the test the starting point for changes for the better.
Whatever happens, it is only our choice – to be a victim of circumstances or to live, leaving authorship in writing our own destiny.